I reserve the right to make it a hard limit if it really bothers me. Soft limits, from my perspective, are the things I’m unsure of but I’ll try at least once. And there’s a reason we focus on them – making someone do something they desperately don’t want to do is a violation and it shows a lack of consent (or even an understanding of the importance of consent).īut that’s not the only conversation you should have about limits. No judgement, y’all, but I admit I’ve wondered. What sounds so gross, disgusting, and horrible that we (kind of, sort of) wonder what might be wrong with people who do like it. We, as kinksters, focus on hard limits a lot. I think that’s probably a good lesson for life in general, but let’s stick with the kinky side of things for right now. The first thing, though, is to know your own limits and how far you’re willing to go. In one word, he knows how I feel about it. Sure, we joke and laugh about it, (and I might still do that vanilla thing later) but it’s a form of communication that works well for us.

He knows if I throw a safeword out, even in a vanilla conversation, that I’m serious about not wanting to do something.

And sometimes, we’re referencing something in our vanilla life.ĭo I want to drive to a busy international airport without him? Red.ĭo I want to walk into a crowd of strangers and randomly introduce myself? Red, red, red-dy, red-red.Ĭonversations about our limits (both hard and soft) permeate our entire life. When John Brownstone asks me to do something I really don’t want to do, I’ll jokingly yell, “Red! Red! Red-dy, red-red!” (Red is my safeword, y’all.) He knows it means I don’t want to do it, and I really mean it.

Kink boundaries checklist